What do you want
I wanted to post a response, but I think the best way to post my thoughts about this topic would be to post here. Our answers to big questions like that are not always the answers for someone else - but what we feel they might be for ourselves. What do I want? and here's what my thought was, very simple.
My entire life is the process of asking that question and also is the answer. When I get to the end and add it all up, I will truly know what I wanted, the moment of my death will be the moment of truth. Did you get what you wanted?
So that was the thought. Where that leaves me now is this. Each moment is also the question, and I answer it with each moment, each opportunity. If I miss one of those infinite moments, one of those shooting stars, I have another one coming right at me. Sheeeeeewm! So while each moment simultaneously has the chance to be a failure of a moment, each moment that follows it is an equal opportunity for redemption. So I choose now not to regret the past failures, nor to regret the future ones heading my way. I choose now to be grateful for every shooting star I catch.
As it slices through my hand, burning the flesh of my palm, piercing through it like a spike against a cross at the infinite speed of time. I see now that each moment is an opportunity to take up my cross, to die daily. I did not realize that when I logged on to post this...but I hope to make the most of this momentary epiphany.
P.S. this does not mean I am overflowing with cotton candy clouds of joy. however. I am grateful. Peace.